Saturday, May 31, 2008

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Friday, May 23, 2008

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

you're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me
you're so pretty when you're unfaithful to me

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Friday, May 16, 2008

An up to date list of highlights from being home for the weekend

1. We drove down the Dan Ryan at night and Eddie pointed out US cellular field but it was just a big tree.

2. Eddie pointed out what he really thought was US cellular field a second time and, again, it was just a big dark tree.

3. I watched 'Cribs' with my mom.

4. I saw Rustel in wicker park and he said "welcome to clown-ville."

5. Saturday night.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sunday, May 11, 2008

happy mommy's day

this picture is faded from being in my dad's wallet for so long

Saturday, May 10, 2008

my disease is more like a bad habit than anything else

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

my thesis paper

A List of Things I Either Love or Hate
(I left a lot of things out – for obvious reason)


being touched, plain yogurt, bruises, eyelashes, tags on shirts, sweat, dry skin, elbows, paint, bed head, freckles, Roger, dimples, nickels, purple, white, black, mice, hamsters, punk rock, marshmallows, my toes, my skin, my feeding tube, the president, old pictures of my dad, hang nails, 7th grade Lindsey, Kelly’s nails, Kelly’s hair, my skull, music, car accidents, catching fire, tarantulas, eggnog, candy, Mick Jagger’s posture, underwear, hair on the bathroom floor, tooth paste, kid’s shoes, my bike, Eddie ridding his bike without hands, pink eye, jokes, biting a sweater, ice cream, breakfast, bacon, cheese, monster trucks, bed bugs, my teeth, Kevin’s teeth, cigarette smoke, police call radio calls, my job in high school, my high school principal, brown eyes, my mom, my dad, my boyfriend’s legs, my veins, my pen, the scissors I got for my birthday, beer, the amount of ice in my grandma’s diet coke, the cups in my grandma’s kitchen, my grandma, Eve’s hair, Robbie, fainting, Dan’s forehead, Marty’s nose, house plants, feet in sandals, candy corn, movie theaters, walking, shopping, the sun, being alone, Urbana, allergies, ponytails, the phrase ‘works on paper,’ scars, flossing, my posture, sitting up straight, taking the bus, chocolate, strangers, kamikaze pilots, blood, speakers, spiders, ants, the Addams family, splinters, poison, paper cuts, polished nails, the smell of gasoline, watching someone else run, mom’s weekend, sunburn, mosquitoes, Jr. High, flinching, when I cut one of my nails too short, knee caps, falling down, touching, basement apartments, The Dan Ryan, the newspaper, my uniform skirt, spiral notebooks, wearing shorts, my legs, animals, dogs, flesh eating viruses, getting shocked, mascara, fender benders, snow pants, slime, sand, boys, Kleenex, grocery shopping, conversations, arguments, tension, glances, green lights, camping, fishing, swimming, sea-life, the zoo, kids that look like they’re lost, watching people litter, being a passenger, shopping with Lindsey, my hair, broken bones, Caesar salad, Lindsey’s pool, mopping, drawing, chest hair, white t-shirts, public transportation, eyebrows, dancing with Joe, Marty’s jokes, creepy men, stating the obvious, calling glasses ‘frames,’ beards, booty shorts, Monday night football, insecurities, Rebecca Horn, my Dan and Eddie’s Maura, my childhood, washing windows, John Cusack, Ellen’s Christmas tree, watching The Brendan Leonard Show at 4pm, my 18th birthday, my family, the forced laugh that rappers add to the track after inappropriate lyrics, my doctor, my nurse, Blair, Eddie, Christmas shopping, airplanes, traveling, the radio, playing songs on repeat, the cds they hand out after concerts, flipping the mattress, McDonalds, maiden names, the past, the present, the future, cancer, arthritis, making lists, relating to people, chairs, yearbooks, thrift stores, Anne’s mom, the ocean, Andy Warhol’s answers, Kinko’s, hard to get, counting, sideburns, my colon, my heart, Halloween, the summer, summer reading, summer flings, the boy in my class that looks like T-Pain, etiquette, email, quilts, shaving, grade school, the three second rule at the water fountain, gum, playing baseball, running bases, band practice, dimes, my misconceptions, fast food, stretching, blending in, sharing, being patient, clean clothes, murder, waking up, dreams, day dreams, wrinkles, mentalities, dance, heartbreak, envelopes, stances, blogs, burps, candy canes, kissing, junk drawers, soup, Vija Celmins, empty rooms, Natalie, my car, being sixteen, mix cds, sex, washing my doll’s hair in the sink, standing out, throats, taking a shower, David Hockney’s drawings, someone calling my name, saying goodbye, leaving, notes, spending more time building the stretcher than painting the painting, a hair cut, rape, lip gloss, waiting in line, the romance of painting, roller coasters, watching my grandma sleep, half way, dental records, boy shorts, fever, rib cages, people that work in coffee shops, bangs, bras, multiple choice, football, washing dishes, when people touch my hair, biting my lip, punched in the face, tripping over shoe laces, being late, getting something caught in my eye, homeless people, Bob Dylan, oranges, meetings, the record button, flies, time, high heals, skeletons, trees with no leaves, hiccups, waves, insult, the sky, errors, the beach, muscles, middle names, having something to get over, menus with pictures, carpet, money, cable tv, weddings, girls, crying while driving, secrets, strapless shirts, holding keys, betting, running, the demented, balance, danger, dull, a nap, effort, anxiety, a grudge, holding hands, a writing utensil behind your ear, on the sly, glue, carefully, cautiously, routine, at the same time, my type, without a doubt, once and for all, kidnapping, sunglasses, knowing all the words, disguises, crooked, prison, aquariums, lungs, paintings, looking up things online, hotheaded, whispering, alligators, suction, keeping it down, purging, life stories, ovals, tape, cereal killings, mistakes, overdoing it, samples, parties, one on one, wasting time, a little bit off, spending time, reverse, 50 cent, growing up, slouching, uneventful, free refills, stooping, stop, body bag, juxtaposition, showing off, choking, getting real, the Royal Art Lodge, mouths, rags, buying things, Eddie, seventeen, exaggeration, lobster, memorizing something, Harrell Fletcher, getting looked up and down, catch phrases, please, still born, flirting, neck, reading, strangle, Greg, crowds, blushing, Jackson Pollock, loosing with the bases loaded, Kierstn, things that go without saying, heartache, torture, tan, my best guess, the Pixies, sleeping, wanting, hoods, blowing stop signs, loosing a tooth, hunting, insane asylums, the mall, hanging, skipping a beat, cat calls, coke, reading lips, prank phone calls, stalkers, the truth, hearing things, seconds, bad habits, misunderstanding, pausing, tap water, advice, chapped lips, hiding, charm, confinement, molest, harp on, cannibalism, tangle, decapitation, being watched, jotting something down, cross word puzzles, downtown, running late, destroying my eyes, silence, tripping, stuttering, shutter, worrying, blatantly, bring sure of myself, gutting a fish, going bald, hurting someone’s feelings, collage, vacation, my brain, nightgowns, petting a pet, making conversation, breaking down, cheating, Gerhard Richter, being forced, staying up late, rolling my eyes, trying too hard, waiting, pictures, my grandpa, climbing, bedtime, putting someone in their place, reality, sirens, biting the bullet, nose hair, Sundays, that Marty gave me one of his songs, meeting Marty, meeting Joe, when we first started dating, manipulation, college, buying a 2 x 4 in front of all the men at Home Depot, nature, responsibility, party dresses, complicated understatements, articulation, Barbara Kruger, unhealthy levels, museums, windows, notions, things beyond myself, out of control, whatever’s easiest, bending someone’s ear, whistling, Sixteen Jackie’s, listening to Eddie’s heartbeat, picturing my driver cut in half, artists, thrill, private, pushing the envelope, spies, validation, being specific, oil paint, tornado sirens, a trap, attention, shaking, divorce, funerals, compulsive disorders, mirrors, regret, major problems, get togethers, chance encounters, voicemails including the words ‘phone tag,’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJoID7VwRtM, getting away, old age, things that are unnecessary, waking up alone, art, being chased, asking someone if I have food in my teeth, standing by, telling the truth, flying, best friends, placement, shame, boxing, head phones, repetition, listening, Stephanie, musicians, distance, the bottom of something, watching, stopping myself, exhaust, phone calls, car rides, sound, on the side, dizzy, matching, nodding, zero, burning the roof of my mouth, white sheets, turning around, hitting, bubble gum, shoving aside, holding, pulse, birds, rock and roll, heavy handed, tip toe, interact, exchanges, absence, not being able to tell, aliens, knowing, pain, playing games, left, science, restraint, child pornography, toenail clippings, scary movies, holding on tight, being taken advantage of, being followed, plucking my eyebrows, putting earrings in, recharging my cell phone, home, borrowing money, writing on my hand, turning something inside out, carbon monoxide, holes, the unknown, cleaning, unlocking, finger prints, coughing up, the deep end, opposites, commercials, screens, mark, stress, mosquitoes, breathing, learning my lesson, picking at something, welts, demolition derbies, a dream come true, scratching an itch, pink luggage, getting it just right, the best two out of three, cats, deleting, fighting, being out of breath, nervous, desperation, pretzels, seeing straight, twitching, flinching, jumping, naked, too much, keeping it to myself, braids, diamonds, animal prints, setting aside large sections of time, Kevin, every other, singing, my name, agreeing, fondling, choreography, conclusions, suffocation, noses, binding, stab, looking, dissect, tremble, mint, crossing my fingers, remembering, spinning, oceanography, going back, call attention to, surrounding, yelling, freezing, finding a body, drooling, taking it back, hiding my vegetables, ring finger, announcements, all-nighters, subdivisions, what’s mine, stars, avoiding, drawing, fast forward, narrow, cavities, ballet class, band practice, walking home, libraries, the bus, alarms, my sister, lies, corrections, walking backwards, without, plus, spelling, severed, keeping something quiet, the “I Saw You” ads in the news paper, too much information, reading, once and for all, making a mental note, asking for help, having a crush, making a distinction, burying my pets, ice tea, phonebooks, date books, sharks, debris, last resorts, magazines, restarting something, drowning,

Sunday, May 4, 2008

highlights from the 3 hour nap I am still groggy from

Natalie was pregnant! and Matt 'Governor' led a witch-hunt-like mob through Urbana to demand the test results to put this rumor to rest. Turns out she was pregnant with twins (I'm guessing this is because I was listening to 'Forgot about Dre' where they say 'hotter than a set of twin babies'). and they were due around zoe's birthday (which in this dream was going to be in the dead heat of summer) so zoe decided to have a baby now too so that natalie didnt have to 'go through all this baby stuff alone.'

Joanna made a brief appearance to try to offer natalie some money. Natalie refused until her mom played some reverse psychology on her. She went on and on about how natalie shouldnt take the money until natalie changed her mind and snatched the envolope.
I saw natalie a few more times throughout the dream wearing her painting pants, cuffed at the bottom, walking through the streets in a daze.

Also, Eve was a cheerleader and went into the football locker room at halftime to change. I realize now that the locker room was more for football players that were also circus acrobats that stretch by swinging gracefully from one rafter in the ceiling to another. Their pants were light blue.

I took a bus for a few blocks down lincoln and while on the bus I had to cut out a huge shape from white tissue paper that took over about 4 seats. I was wearing a t-shirt and underwear and trying to hurry. I got really distracted and missed my stop.

From there I walked to paradiso and watched my teacher give a performance after which there was an open discussion about the piece during which my teacher cried talking about his own work.

I got back on the bus and was (re)introduced to eddie's friend from high school who decided to have a sex change. We all agreed that he was probably better off as a girl and that he was really convincing and way more attractive now.

There was a baby on the bus that knew some shocking swear words...
we passed a bar with neon green shamrocks in the windows...
one of them was crooked...

That's all I can remember

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Friday, May 2, 2008

Thursday, May 1, 2008

50 cent, will you marry me?